In My Weakness He Is Strong.....
I pray for the sick, the lonely, the depressed, etc. But recently I realized that that I rarely pray for me.... instead, I thank Him constantly for what I have and fully accept that it is sufficient. With that said, I want to share my story. Our Lord says 'ASK'....'I am with you always' . . .
About four years ago I went to see an eye doctor who is a Christian. He and I had served as Commissioners for the City of Palm Springs a few years before. We had fun talking as he was checking my eyes.... we were talking about our 'faith' and he was telling me about his 'Road to Damascus' experience.... taking his time while sharing,, he suddenly said, 'you need to see a retina ophthalmologist because your eye is bleeding behind it.' He gave me the name of the best one he knew. The future visit to the retina ophthalmologist was a miracle that I never praised God for... Laser surgery was done and the bleeding stopped. Still I had blurry vision and I thanked God I could see some. But my vision kept getting worse and I accepted it as aging and was appreciative that I had a husband who now drove me wherever I 'needed' to go. I went every 6 months to see the ophthalmologist who verified that there was 'no bleeding'.
As the next years passed, I never expected to see better, never thought about miracles, or healing for myself. I accepted that I was aging and life had its diminishing realities. I felt so fortunate to have so much. But my life was quickly changing because of my limitation in vision.... I no longer enjoyed so many things like being outside in this spectacular panoramic place I live (Palm Springs). My love of photography was gone as I couldn't capture a vision that I couldn't see well, TV was blurry and I had little interest in it. Before all of this, I was well into my next novel, but slowly lost interest to write because of my ever changing vision.... As the next couple years passed, I had other health challenges and again I accepted them as life. Finally I decided to go back to my Christian eye doctor and see if there was glasses that would enhance my vision... After examining my eyes he said, 'your vision has got much worse and you shouldn't drive'.... he also explained, I now had cataracts that needed to be addressed and he sent me to a specialist he believed was the best.
Again I took my time at making an appointment believing that the cataracts were recent and I wasn't seeing well before them, so surely removing them wouldn't help that much. Also I had a non-life threatening health challenge of another kind that could be brought on by reactions to many things..... I couldn't take certain medicines, caffeine, much of my food choices were limited because of the reaction it caused with my heart. Any reaction landed me in the hospital ER, I had three admission already that year in which I had to go through a scary procedure that stopped my heart and restart it. Now I was being told that I might need cataract surgery which is done under anesthesia and the anesthesia could cause a reaction that could send me to the hospital. 'No way' I thought! Other factors entered the process, like health insurance .... I pay enormous premiums for health care and have a $7,500 deductible before they pay anything... between the premiums and deductible, I had already spend $28,000 this year .... However it was now December and I finally met my deductible.... I knew that cataract surgery would be coved but I had to do it within 30 days before the end of the year and that was pushing it.
I ask the cataract surgeon if I could have the surgery with NO ANESTHESIA, he didn't recommend that at all... but said that I would have to debate that with the anesthesiologist the day of surgery.... he assured me if I did react to the anesthesia that they would rush me to the hospital and I would be fine. But that felt overwhelming as I knew the procedure that would have to happen. Also no matter what my choice was, I would have go through surgery twice, one for each eye.
On the day of the first surgery in pre-op, the anesthesiologist highly recommended that I not go without anesthesia..... but I refused. I knew the surgery would last no more than 20 minutes and I felt I could withstand it.... In some ways it was like a spiritual challenge.... I told myself that I would stay focused on the Lord, that I would not allow what was happening to me to be my reality.... I would block this world out and I would keep my thoughts and focus ONLY on HIM.
Laying there waiting for them to move me to surgery, finally I prayed asking the Lord to heal my eyes and to be with me through this. I ask for His words to be alive in me and that I only focus on His presence. The last thing they did before surgery was tape my head down by running a roll of tape around and around my head many times to make sure there was no movement. The surgeon said, 'here we go....' I focused on our magnificent Lord, His purpose, His price, His grace and most of all His love for me. Finally fully captured by His presence, I wasn't aware of the surgery. Time was of no importance..... The next thing I remember was the surgeon saying, it's over.... looks great.' The Lord had taken me through this, I wasn't alone, I was in His care..... To God be the Glory.
I was so overwhelmed by it all.... The next day I had to go back to their 'cataract clinic' and wait with all the others that had surgery on the same day. They were talking about how great the anesthesia was . One man ask how it felt , and when I told them I did it without anesthesia they were shocked..... I regret I didn't give God the glory and share how the Lord was with me.... Fourteen days later I went through the second surgery without anesthesia...... Here is truth, God is with us in the most trying of times.... I now have AMAZING VISION which I never expected. I had an amazing healing of my eyes! Thus, I want, I need, I must give God the glory for this. My doctor said my vision is great and I don't need glasses. Everything is brilliant, rich in color... I can see forever the most intricate details of such amazing things. The Lord healed me, provided me a miracle of giving me my sight back.... Greater yet is my overwhelming love and appreciation for this miracle.
"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for you: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather boast in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9